Options while still living in an abusive relationship

 

When a partner is not physically violent, someone might think that their partners' behavior towards them is not abusive. The following is a series of questions you should ask yourself about your own relationship.

IF:

You are afraid in your own home

You feel you are being controlled

You 'walk on egg shells' rehearsing what you will say so as not to set them off?
You are being put down and criticised

You are being hurt physically, mentally or emotionally

You are denied money, privacy or an opinion

You are being isolated from family and friends

You are told you are mad and will lose your children

You are always watching what you say and do

You lie, hide or minimise what is happening to you to others

You are told it will never happen again, but it does

If your answer is 'yes' to most of these questions ask yourself if your partners behaviour towards you sounds loving? Someone who uses any of the above behaviours in an intimate relationship, uses their words and their moods as weapons on their partner. If they do not physically abuse the person in their life, they systematically wear them down through psychological battering. Psychological battering is every bit as emotionally devastating as physical violence

Remember: You don't have to be battered to be broken! Ring the refuge 041-9844550

Change

You want changes in your relationship and for your partner to stop abusing you, so what can you do? We understand that you may not want the relationship to end, just the abuse to stop!

Before any of us can change a relationship, we have to accept the reality of what is happening in it. But acceptance alone is not enough. In order for your life and your relationship to change, you have to do something different, not just think about it differently.

Because abuse is about power and control, your partner is not going to want to lose their control over you. It is important to remember that when you are going to start changing the relationship your partner may become even more of a bully or a tyrant, they might withdraw, threaten to leave or try to punish you. Some abusive people respond to their partners new strengths with a different kind of manipulation, tears, apologies and promises to change. All reactions have the same goal, to get their partner to give up their attempts to change the relationship.

You must be aware at all times of your safety and the safety of your children and be clear as to what you will and can do if the abusive behaviour does turn violent.

Your options

Talk to someone about how you feel. You can telephone Drogheda Women's Refuge and speak to a trained member of staff. 041-9844550

You can find out all of your options so that you can make an informed decision.

You can try counselling where you will be able to explore your feelings and understanding of what's going on in your relationship and how to set limits.

You can attend a support group where you will have the support of other people in similar circumstances .Though every one's situation is unique to them.

It is very important that you nurture yourself when you are hurting and that you believe that you deserve the same kind of loving attentions that you have been giving to others. Making changes in a destructive relationship is not easy. A destructive relationship is like an open wound-it just continues to fester without healing. Drogheda Women's refuge have support services to help you, do not be afraid to ask for this help. 041-9844550

You must understand that all adults are responsible for every word they say and every thing they do! You are not responsible for another persons words or actions only your own. Therefore you should not change yourself to try to control another persons abuse.

 

 

Counselling

Counselling is a two way helping relationship between a counsellor and a client in a secure, confidential setting. Counselling is about change. It is a talking therapy where you will have the opportunity to explore your feelings and concerns freely with a trained counsellor. The counsellor enables and helps the client to find their own answers. The client always has the power to change within. To ask about counselling ring the refuge 041-9844550