Myths About Domestic Violence

They must ask for it /they must deserve it.

Provocation can be over not having the dinner ready on time, asking for money to pay the bills or feed the children. People in these situations quickly get to know that offering resistance to their abusive spouse/ partner can result in being beaten and abused more. This should not be seen as consent to the abuse, it is just a method of survival.

They must enjoy it or they would leave.

Instead of asking the question "why do they not leave" a more appropriate question would be "what stops them from leaving?" People stay because it is very difficult to leave. People worry about how leaving will effect their children especially if their spouse/partner is not abusive towards the children. People worry about providing for their children, poor housing, and poor job opportunities.

Leaving home is bad for the children.

Children are effected more while living in a violent environment than by moving to a safer environment. Parents often do not realise how the abuse is effecting their children. Children would rather live in peace with one parent than live in hell with two.

Alcohol causes abuse.

Alcohol has long been used as an excuse for an abuser to beat their spouse/partner. Alcohol does not and cannot cause a person to be abusive. It can be easier for someone being abused, and the person who abuses, to believe that the violence would not have occurred if drink had not been taken.

Domestic Violence only occurs in working class and traveller families.

People from all social backgrounds abuse their spouses/partners, it is not confined to any social class.

Most people who abuse in the home are mentally ill.

Mental illness suggests that a person who abuses cannot help it. An abusive person wants power and control over their spouse/partner and they choose to do this through a series of coercive behaviours. These behaviours can be described as 'sick' but it does not mean that the abuser is mentally 'sick'. People suffering from mental illness are far more likely to harm themselves than other people.

All people who abuse come from violent backgrounds.

There is no evidence to back this up. Many abusers do not come from violent backgrounds and many people who do come from violent backgrounds do not go on to be abusive.

Abused people abuse their children.

There is no evidence to suggest this. Many people leave a violent relationships because they do not want their children to grow up in this kind of environment.

There are many myths surrounding Domestic Violence. Most blame the victim for the violence that is inflicted on them. The effects of Domestic Violence on parents and on children are often trivialised and ignored in our society. There are too many social stigmas surrounding Domestic Violence. All people have the right to an abuse free relationship. Leaving a violent relationship is not a sign of failure but a choice for a person to make for themselves and their children.